I think my fart just growled at me.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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