Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Randomize
