did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
