sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize