Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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