iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
