I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
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