why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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