What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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