At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
