my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
