I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Vodka?
Forever.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
