I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
