dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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