Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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