Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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