I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
