We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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