Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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