I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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