Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
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