She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
