dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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