And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
