Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
