So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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