tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
