No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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