And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
