Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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