Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
