I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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