If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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