There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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