Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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