I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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