yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
