thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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