Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
