I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
there's paper in my vomit.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
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