Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
