I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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