At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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