I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Im part way to drunk.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
