I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
did you just send me my own nude
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
