Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
