I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
