the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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