I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
The beer is more important than you right now.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
