omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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