I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
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