Having a random hookup so left but love u
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
