omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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