So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
