He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
