he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
