I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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