just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
