I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
