i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
