If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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