To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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