You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
