remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
they're like a gay fantastic four
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
