she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
