I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
