I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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