You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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